Taglines

Ok so these are a little pointless, but it involves virtually no work to get them on here. So what are they? Well they are taglines that came with a FidoNet OLR (Offline reader) called IMHO (Ian's Memory Hungry OLR).

Someone keeps moving my chair
Everyone wants a rock to wind a piece of string around
I had a nibble of a byte but only got a bit.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit
This tagline is umop apisdn
My other computer is a 3090 500J.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere!
My other vehicle is a Galaxy Class Starship ...
If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL!
Life begins at 030, fun starts at 040. Death at '86.
Backup not found: (a)bort (r)etry (p)anic...
Press <CTRL>-<ALT>-<DEL> to continue.
Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up.
If you can't make it good, make it big.
If it isn't borken, don't fix it.
Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted!
It's only a hobby... only a hobby... only a...
Resistance Is Useless! (if <1 ohm)
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Difference between US humor and UK humour: One letter.
Warning: Reading taglines can affect your humour.
His snoring made it no bed of dozes for his wife.
Listen: A telephone tingling with anticipation.
DEL *.* | Are you sure Y/N ? | Yes | Oh Sh.............!
You mean some people buy computers to USE them??
To every rule there is an exception, and vice versa.
Ready-cut wiring is always too short.
Decimal points are always one place too far to the left.
Morfy's law; Enythink thit ken go rong willl.
if everything is going right, something is wrong.
Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.
Wolfgang's Third Law: It can't work.
Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.
An object will fall so as to do the most damage possible.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Third Law of Advice: Simple advice is the best advice.
Wynne`s Law: Negative slack tends to increase.
Boren`s Law: When in doubt, mumble.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Second Law of Hacking: First in, first out.
Third Law of Hacking: The last blow counts most.
Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income.
Babbage's First Law Of Computers: They won't work.
Machine code executes and crashes faster.
Troutman's Fourth Postulate: Interchangeable tapes won't.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
That does not compute.
eHpl ! Imat arppdei sndi eht eED-C20
Is a computer language with GOTOs totally Wirth-less?
Programmers get overlaid.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer errors.
Instant crash. Just use machine code.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
An elephant is a mouse built to Mil-Spec.
Call out the vice squad! Someone's mounting a disk drive!
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
May all your PUSHes be POPed.
Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian?
Female programmers get their bits twiddled.
Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait.
Happiness is twin floppies.
Happiness is a hard disk.
Happiness is twin floppies and a hard one.
Small programs are for small minds.
All programmers want arrays!
I BM. You BM. We all BM for IBM!
Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros.
Nobody uses BASIC, because it is so hard to crash.
BASIC is a high level languish.
COBOL programs are an exercise in Artificial Inelegance.
COBOL programmers are down in the dumps.
Go Forth & *: Was God a Forth programmer?
Chemistry professors never die, they just smell that way!
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
Old frogs never die, but they do croak!
Old cars never die, they just trade away.
Old hackers never die; young ones do.
Walt Disney is in suspended animation.
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
Always draw your curves, then plot the readings.
Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
Gravity doesn`t exist: the earth sucks.
Gravity brings me down.
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
A king's castle is his home.
A lie in time saves nine.
A stitch in time saves nine.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
IBM: "Think!" Rand Corporation: "Think? Hell, COMPUTE!"
Dignity is one thing that cannot be preserved in alcohol.
Someone still loves you. (Freddie Mercury.)
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
Speed Kills (The Doors.)
For any remedy there is a misery.
A rumour has it that rumours are just rumours.
A winner never quits. A quitter never wins.
An elven cloak is always the height of fashion.
Don't play Hack at your work. Your boss might hit you!
Dungeon expects every monster to do his duty.
Hitting is the lingua franca in these regions.
Kicking the terminal doesn't hurt the monsters.
Large dogs make larger turds than little ones.
Latest news? Put 'net.games.hack' in your .newsrc!
Learn how to spell. Play Hack!
Memory flaw - core dumped.
Monsters come from nowhere to hit you everywhere.
Nurses prefer undressed hackers.
Try hacking in the wee hours: you will have more room.
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
His boredom was as plain as the doze on his face.
It is not the coldest girl who gets the mink coat.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
Honeymoon: Coo-existence.
Two women saying good-bye: Much adieu about nothing.
By following the good, you learn to be good.
Nice guys get sick.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Drop the vase and it will become a Ming of the past.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Give a speculator an inch and he'll build a condo.
Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing.
Poverty is the root of all evil.
Archaeologists take sedimental journeys.
Winter is I-commin back!
Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation.
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
Gardeners are prone to sod-den decisions!
Be alert. America needs more lerts.
Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
To iterate is human; to recurse divine.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Children should be obscene and not heard.
Do unto others before they undo you.
Don't do it! (P. P. Eckersley.)
Mrs. Gandhi is in a sari state.
Raise ducks for quack profit.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
On all lasergrams: Don't forget the Zap code.
There's no future in time travel.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
Reality does not exist - yet.
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Draw your salary before spending it.
Economy makes men independent.
Income tax: Guaranteed yearly rage.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
Clones are people two.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Laetrile is the pits.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Everytime I lose weight, it finds me again.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support.
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.
Every purchase has its price.
Eschew Obfuscatory Hyperverbosity! Be brief!
Are movies about Vulcans Pathe-logical?
Recursive, adj.; see Recursive
If you see an onion ring - answer it!
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
In case of fire, yell "FIRE!"
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of culture.
Chemists really know their bismuth.
An expert is someone from out of town.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Teamwork is vital. It gives you someone to blame.
You are genuinely happy, if you don't know why.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Weekend, where are you?
Grass is nature's way of saying "High!"
Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality.
LSD melts your mind, not in your hand.
Individualists unite!
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!
I claim that wasn't necessary. (D. D.)
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
Moebius strippers never show you their back side.
Klein bottle for rent - inquire within.
Midas was into golden showers.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
Orcs really aren't so bad (if you use lots of catsup).
Nuke the Whales!
Drilling for oil is boring.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and go" feeling.
Reagan in '84...... Bush in '85.
Teachers have class.
Physicists get hadrons.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Depart in pieces... i.e., Split.
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. (Garfield.)
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Lake Erie died for your sins.
He keeps differentiating... flying off on a tangent.
COLE's LAW - Thinly sliced cabbage.
Do married women make the best wives?
Three can keep a secret, if two are dead.
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Alex Haley was adopted!
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
Battle Creek makes cereal terminals.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Boycott meat - suck your thumb.
Invest in physics - own a piece of Dirac!
Blame Saint Andreas - it's all his fault.
Practiss makes perfict.
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Go climb a gravity well.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
He who hesitates is constipated.
He who hesitates is last.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Sex is a novel idea to many writers.
Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.
Breeding rabbits is a hare-raising experience.
Friction is a drag.
Van Helsing is heart-breaking.
Heisenburg may have slept here.
Biology grows on you.
He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool.
It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
Digital circuits are made from analog parts.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, Goethe is murder.
A man's house is his hassle.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
Jesus Saves - Johnson scores on the rebound.
Jesus Saves. Vishnu invests.
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
He who uses bad language is an ignorant schmuck!
It's clever, but is it art?
Many a family tree needs trimming.
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
Clean mind, clean body: take your pick.
I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts.
Organization is the enemy of improvisation.
Familiarity breeds.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits.
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
How you look depends on where you go.
Lion tamer wants tamer lion. (Billboard ad.)
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.
And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy!
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
What's tennis without a racket?
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
I ain't broke, but I'm badly bent.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
Never try to outstubborn a cat. (Icelanders exempt.)
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
So many ten-dollar hats on so many ten-cent heads.
The fish that got away is the one you remember.
If a fish is to get away, you must catch it first.
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.
Running a business is about 95% people and 5% economics.
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Love is sentimental measles.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer,
then you find there is nothing in it.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
If a kiss speaks volumes, it is seldom a first edition.
Love the sea? I dote upon it - from the beach.
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
Make a wish, it might come true.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
Money is the root of all wealth.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
The best things in life are for a fee.
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
The cost of feathers has risen. Now even down is up!
Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.
Where there's a will, there's a lawyer.
Poverty begins at home.
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
Nothing succeeds like successors.
On a slimming shop: 'Thinner Sanctum.'
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.
The best revenge in this world is to forgive. (Italian.)
I can prove God statistically. (G. Gallup.)
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
Reputation: what others are not thinking about you.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
She was born in the year of Our-Lord-only-knows-when.
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
Swap read error. You lose your core image.
Swap read error. You lose your mind.
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The rich get rich, and the poor get poorer.
The haves get more, the have-nots die.
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
To give happines is to deserve happiness.
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
True happiness will be found only in true love.
We read to say that we have read.
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
She likes to be first with the worst.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see.
A bachelor is a man whom women are still sampling.
A bee is the debauchee of dews. (Emily Dickinson)
A cynic is only a frustrated optimist.
A friend asks only for your time, not your money.
A horse may be forced to drink but a pencil must be lead.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Alimony is your cash surrender value to your spouse.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Avoid Asymmetry.
Belief is thought at rest.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers.
Beware of quantum ducks: quark, quark.
Bigamy is carrying respectability to a criminal extreme.
Bore: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Brevity is the soul of lingerie. (Dorothy Parker)
Character is built upon the rubble of dreams.
Common sense is very uncommon.
Courage is grace under pressure. (Ernest Hemmingway)
Debt is the certain outcome of an uncertain income.
Details count.
Distant water does not put out a fire.
Don't believe it until you can eat it or spend it.
Don't bite my finger, look where it's pointing.
Don't debug standing up. It cuts your patience in half.
Don't keep doing what doesn't work.
Don't panic.
Easy to use is easy to say.
Electricity travels a foot in a nanosecond.
Eschew Clever Rules.
Expect a promotion soon. A promoter will call upon you.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. (Mark Twain)
For success today, look first to yourself.
Fortune Cookie says: Don't look back, always look ahead.
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgement.
Friendship is one soul in two bodies.
Fruit flies like an apricot. Time flies like an arrow.
Furious Activity is no substitute for understanding.
God does not play dice with the universe.
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
He was so crooked he could hide behind a corkscrew.
Help! I'm trapped inside an IBM-PC!
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
Hush! Hush! Secret! I came from a fortune cookie factory.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
If it is not there, it does not exist.
If it screams, it's not food.
If we can't fix it, it ain't broke.
If you can't write it down in English, you can't code it.
If you find yourself in a hole: quit digging.
If you lie to the computer, it will get you.
If you plan to throw one away, you will throw away two.
If your desires are not extravagant they will be granted.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
In jealousy there is more self-love than love.
Integrity is praised, and starves.
It always takes longer than you expect.
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
It is fortune, and not wisdom, that rules a man's life.
Lonely is a man without love.
Love is nothing but Sex misspelt.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Maryland has the best politicians money can buy.
Mediocrity finds safety in standardization.
Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.
More haste, less speed.
New truths begin as heresies and end as superstitions.
Nice guys finish last. (Leo Durocher)
No good deed goes unpunished for long.
No man can be a patriot on an empty stomach.
Nothing is impossible until it is sent to a committee.
Nothing worthwhile ever arrives by mail.
Oh, it's you.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
People will laugh at you, but let that not prevent you.
Plan to throw one away, you will anyhow.
Please all, and you will please none.
Pride invites calamity, but humility reaps its harvest.
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
Science clears the field upon which technology can build.
Shouldn't you be doing something useful?
Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.
The best laid schemes o'mice and men gang aft a-gley.
The fastest I/O is no I/O.
The first rule of program optimization - Don't do it.
The fish that escaped is the big one.
The greatest enemy of the neck is the tongue.
The ideal wife is the woman who has an ideal husband.
The next dreadful thing to a battle lost is a battle won.
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers.
There is many a good man to be found under a shabby hat.
There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
This is tomorrow's message.
This is yesterday's message.
This sentence no verb.
Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes.
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
Traveler, there is no path. Paths are made by walking.
What a stupid password!
When in doubt, use brute force.
When you get there, there's no there there.
Wisdom and good sense guard life from harm.
Wisdom is knowing thyself--and not telling anyone.
With a mind like yours, who needs a body?
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
Without health you cannot enjoy wealth or happiness.
You are just in time to be too late.
You can't get there from here.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You don't have mail.
You may already have won a million dollars.
You might have mail, I can't recall.
You might have mail.
You will have many friends when you use corkscrew.
Your chair is the headquarters of your hindquarters.
Youth and skill are never a match for age and cunning.
Debug only the code.
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
When things just can't get any worse, they will.
I don't know, ask Jim Harrer at Mustang Software.
I don't know, ask Cathy.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
Don't ask me; I only work here.
That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all!
Bruised is better'n excused. (Granville King.)
Do you remember when Coke was sipped, not sniffed?
Certainly resistor manufacturers do Ohm-work?
Does chemistry matter?
Programming beats getting drunk or stoned.
This is serious. We're running out of deputies.
This system is user-friendly, but rude to everyone else.
Of all stereo systems, yours should be better.
Where the tanks pass over, the grass suffers.
Never shed a drop of blood for God's glory. (G. Buddha.)
Neil Armstrong tripped.
Astronauts get missile-toe.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Astronauts are out to launch.
There is no such thing as a "Fail Safe" design.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
Sorry. No quotation today!!
Kun Fu Tze say too damn much!
Ancient Chinese Curse: May you live in interesting times.
Ancient Chinese Curse: May all your wishes be granted.
Ahhhhhhhh, I forget what I was going to say.
Chaste makes waste.
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
Do it today. Tomorrow it will be illegal.
It's better to copulate than never!
Satyrs have more faun.
Fauns are never Satyr-sfied!
The devil finds work for idle glands.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
Vice Versa - poems about brothels?
Lawyers do it in their briefs.
Engineers do it precisely.
Technicians do it a lot.
Computer Engineers do it bit by bit.
Hackers do it with bugs.
Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray.
Pretend to spank me - I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Man and wife make one fool.
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
What fools these morals be!
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
Open it and you remove all doubt.
You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time,
but you can make a fool of yourself anytime.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Smile! It makes people wonder what you've been up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
A chain is only as good as its weakest link.
A child miseducated is a child lost. (John F. Kennedy)
A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate.
A clean limerick is a contradiction in terms.
A column about errors will contain errors. (Bill Gold)
A bird in the hand might.
A bottle of sweat for every bottle of wine.
A bird in the hand is inconvenient.
A bird in the hand is safer then one overhead.
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
A fat paunch never breeds fine thoughts. (St. Jerome)
A friend in power is a friend lost.
A friend is another self (Latin proverb)
A friend married is a friend lost. (Henrik Ibsen)
A friend to everyone is a friend to nobody
A God alone can comprehend a God.
A company is known by the people that it keeps.
A deaf ear is the first sign of a closed mind.
A fallen lighthouse is more dangerous than a reef.
A fast is better than a bad meal. (Irish Proverb)
A fool must be right now and again by chance. (Cowper)
A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
A good lawyer makes an evil neighbor.
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years.
A friend married is a friend lost.
A friend is another self. (Latin Proverb)
A friend to everyone is a friend to nobody.
A great fortune is a great slavery. (Seneca)
A hard man is good to find. (Mae West)
A heart unspotted is not easily daunted. (Shakespeare)
A heavy purse makes a light heart. (Irish proverb)
A highbrow is a person educated beyond his intelligence.
A joint a day keeps reality away.
A KEEN ANALYST: thoroughly confused.
A light heart lives long. (Shakespeare)
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone. (Charles Suhor)
A little ignorance can go a long way. (Solomon Short)
A little learning is a dangerous thing! (Alexander Pope)
A man can have more money than brains - but not for long.
A man is as big as the things that annoy him.
A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.
A man would have to be drunk to drive while drunk.
A man's legs must be long enough to reach the ground.
A motion to adjurn is always in order. (Lazarus Long)
A penny saved is a penny to squander.
A picture is a poem without words. (Horace)
A rich man's joke is always funny. (Thomas Brown)
Do fairies get pregnant by sitting on a toadstool?
Is an innuendo an Italian suppository?
Definition of a prostitute - receiver of swollen goods.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Bad spelers of the wurld unit.
Real Ale - reaches the parts Heineken daren't mention.
This computer will self-destruct in 5 seconds.
Help! I'm a prisoner inside this machine.
Save trees, eat more beavers.
Keep Britain tidy, shoot a tourist.
Einstein rules relatively OK - in theory anyway.
Sudden prayers make God jump.
(Oops!)
Shrdiger rules the waves!
Dead people are cool.
Do ghost trains stop at manife-stations?
Be alert - your country needs lerts.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Absolute zero is cool.
Kelvin rules 0k.
Down with gravity.
Slide rules OK.
Sausage rolls OK.
God is not dead - he just couldn't find a parking place.
Rooner Spules OK.
Fred Abracadabra. Now there's a name to conjour with.
Repeal the banana.
Samantha Fox is a hazard to shipping.
Jesus Saves - and Dalglish scores from the next attack!
I drink therefore I am. I'm drunk therefore I was.
I wish I were what I was when I wished I were what I am.
Saliva drools OK.
Alas poor kiroY, I knew him backwards.
100,000 lemmings can't be wrong.
Free the Heinz 57.
Make love not war - see sysop for details.
Everything was different before it changed.
Graffiti is the revenge of the inarticulate proletariate.
Arsonists of the world, ignite!
Watch this space.
Carpenters do it with their tools.
Speak Esperanto like a native.
Marijuana is nature's way of saying "high".
Study art and logic - learn to draw your own conclusions.
Racial prejudice is a pigment of the imagination
Musicians do it with an instrument.
Reality is caused by lack of alcohol.
Dyslexics of the world untie!
Help preserve wildlife. Pickle a Traffic Warden today!
A man is as old as he feels.
Say it with flowers - give her a triffid.
Jargon rules - ongoing dominance situation.
Actively eschew verbose obfuscation!
The cost of living is killing me.
Stamp out philately!
The M25 is not all it's cracked up to be.
Consideration rules...... is that O.K.?
Support British steel - smelt the Iron Lady.
Crime isn't black and white. It's various shades of Kray.
I'm immortal - so far.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
The more I see men, the more I love my dog.
Illiterate? Write to the SysOp for help.
Get stoned - Drink liquid cement.
Blow your mind - smoke gunpowder.
Reincarnation is making a comeback!
Not enough is being done for the apathetic.
Incest is only relatively *******. (Censored)
Hackers of the world, interface!
Z80 programmers do it 8 bits at a time.
BASIC programmers PEEK and POKE.
Molecular physicists are in on chains.
This may be the purpose of the universe.
We have had chaos and misunderstanding thrust upon us!
Firemen come quicker.
GRAVITY SUCKS!
Make someone happy, ring Buzby's neck.
Edam is made backwards.
Women like the simple things in life: Men.
Is Lenin's tomb a communist plot?
Australian foreplay: "Brace yerself Sheila."
Smoking - think of it as evolution in action.
Kentucky Freud Chicken, it's motherbreedin' good!
The meek shall inherit the earth - in 6' x 2' plots.
DBOS: Dyslexyic Basic Operating System.
I am still an athiest, thank God.
Anyone who can see through a woman is missing a lot.
Anarchists of the world unite!
Always tell her she's pretty, especially when she isn't.
How do the Japanese do it? Because we let them.
To be or not to be!
That's what I damn well can't decide.
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
Virginity is like a balloon. {The rest was censored}
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Beware, scientists CAN reproduce IBM 8088's using ancient DNA...
Murphy's Law - What cann gu worng wil goe wrung.
Don't drink water, fish breed in it.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Neither should they nail up pictures.
I'm pink therefore I'm spam.
Silence those who oppose freedom of speech!
Elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
Experience: the name given by men to their mistakes.
Advertising is legalized lying. (H. G. Wells)
The last Christian died on the cross. (Anonymous)
Communism is like one big phone company. (Lenny Bruce)
Every law is an infraction of liberty. (Jeremy Bentham)
Lawyers, I suppose, were children once. (Charles Lamb)
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious. (Oscar Wilde)
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. (Woody Allen)
Init string? No, looks like old rope.....
Twenty four beers in a crate,twenty four hours in a day...Hmmm
It's Captain Flintstone...He's Fred Jim
Don't ask me, I only work here.

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